'Haters Gon' Hate'
Imagine, you pour your heart and soul into a new art piece that you're so excited to share with others . . .
Or you front the most fair, all-inclusive yet logical political stance that you're certain nobody could disagree with or get offended by . . .
You basically just express yourself in ANY way that feels genuine and good, but you still get shut down by someone. They're hung up on an 'imperfection' that you didn't see, and that completely crushes it for you. Maybe they find a way to show you how your privilege will forever blind you, which to you sounds a lot like 'your viewpoint doesn't matter.' And then there are some naysayers who seem to hate on your things for no evident reason.
They tear you a new one. Or maybe they didn't even mean it that way, but it feels like it to you -- because you stepped forward and shared something that was important to you yet somebody disapproved.
Even if the above types of scenarios don't actually happen (sometimes they really do, I know), some of us play them out in our heads before taking any kind of expressive action -- and they frighten us and hold us back from being ourselves.
Why does it have to matter, what other people think? It's just annoying to think about, really.
Some of us struggle with this one so devastatingly that it really gets in the way of important things in life. Things that could bring us more success and happiness.
The way we feel when we're on the brink of something that could receive judgement from others is crippling! And for me -- to KNOW that taking this action could very likely improve my life, if not for achieving the actual goal then at least through the enrichment of the experience, that fear must be really intense. And yup, it really is.
We experience things early in life that give us new reactions, and those reactions (thoughts or feelings) embed themselves in us as the toolset for which we handle things in life. And sometimes those reactions are not at all useful in adulthood even though they may have protected us as a kid -- and they're really hard to shed!
I read recently that our subconscious makes up 85% of our mind (conscious mind blown!), and those old reactions are kept in that part of our mind.
The conscious mind might try to overwrite the old information with new stuff, like when you tell yourself, "Stop caring what other people are going to think! You can't please everyone! Just be yourself!" But then the old gut-wrenching fear just shows back up. And you think, "What's wrong with me? I know that it's illogical and useless to feel this way, and I constantly tell myself that, but it's still here weighing me down!" Because the subconscious is SO much more powerful.
One way we can try to chip away at these old blocks is to look back and try to find where in our past they first developed. It can be very uncomfortable to go back there. It can take time to pinpoint it.
But once you do find it, analyze how the heck it protected you then and why it's so brutally unnecessary now. There are many other potentially helpful ways to clear the old block, like hypnotherapy, acupuncture, tapping . . . but just the simple acknowledgment can help I think.
I'm terrified to put myself out there, and yes, I find that the root of it comes from protecting myself from others' criticism.
I'm still trying to single out one thing that sealed that block in for me as a child. I'm not positive that this is the thing (maybe there are a few that built up on themselves, or maybe I'm missing something), but I think this example has importance: I can remember being harshly teased because supposedly I'd been named after a hamburger place. Haha!
It sounds freakin' stupid now (and it makes me laugh), but when I was 6 years old it made me feel singled out and undermined!
Like I'd be safer if I just stayed back and kept quiet, because bringing attention to myself might invite them to use that against me more.
And the funny thing about it is that my name isn't creatively expressive like the examples I stated at the top of this post, it's just my name. It's not comparable to the fears of judgement that I feel today. But it's still the same feeling I think, the same shield that I first crafted way back then.
Stay back and keep quiet, so they won't use you against yourself somehow; set you apart and belittle you.
I have that pull-back in many different areas of life, including every time I go to write something on here! That's why I'm starting down my writing path simultaneously big and small. Big because I'm putting myself out here on the ginormous internet and getting my feet wet on a big stage, and small because each post feels like another baby step toward something better and I feel more comfortable the more I do it. It's a process!
It seems like overcoming old subconscious blocks might have to work that way in general -- more and more baby steps piling on top of one-another. Practice in the process, in a self-aware way (but don't let that conscious mind get a big head 😜).
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If this resonates with you and you'd like to join a free class dedicated to overcoming these old blocks, click the image below to check out Dissolving Negative Emotions!
That cool stuff I've been reading about with the subconscious blocks (and the Tapping or EFT technique) can be found here: